Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
