the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
