He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
