Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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