I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
