i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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