There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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