gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize