wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You are a genius and a whore.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
