if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
