And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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