I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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