Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
