We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize