hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
