My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sext me about skeletons
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
