I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
