well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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