Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
