What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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