wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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