I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
