I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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