Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
