you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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