i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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