So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
false alarm. still invincible.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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