Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
