At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
