I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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