so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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