my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
