you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
