Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
