My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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