worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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