Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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