a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
