I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
whose ass print is on the piano?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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