I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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