im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize