I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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