she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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