Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
