Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize