Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
