Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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