Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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