God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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