She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
