Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
