"it" just moved
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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