i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
