I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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