I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
