AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
