look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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