I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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