Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
What a dumb baby whore.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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