Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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