at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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