it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
