at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My nipple is on Facebook.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
