Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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