That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
