He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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