How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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