What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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