...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
