So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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