i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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