Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
