I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
