I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
