Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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