Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
