I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
