I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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