ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
